My only hiding place… My safe haven…

Now I see why tumblr is loved by many. It’s my only safe place where I can say what and how I feel and not be judged. It’s like me talking to that one friend that all I want you to do is listen. For the past month I’ve been dating this guy who is way older then me but he loves me. The first night I went to his house was the first time we had sex, him claiming that day I started to be his girlfriend. I was shocked a week after that day we spoke about it and he said I was his woman from day 1. I love it, because this was a first for me. I didn’t have to try anything, I was just being myself. Next night I went, we had our first “fight”… Well not really a fight. I was tipsy and decided to confess many things to him so that he can know what I’ve done and stuff. He didn’t like it not one bit, but he pushed it to the side. I was close to walkin out the door when he stopped me, he held me in his arms and kissed me. From that day on, I knew he was the one. I’ve always wanted someone to stop me from walking out or away, and he was the only one who’s done it. From that day on, it’s been a fairy tale. He would cook for me just about every night, or we’d order food from a restaurant, he would buy me breakfast and coffee and take it to my job, he’d pick me up from work, send me in a cab home, or I’ll just spend the night. But I’ve realized, we are a bi polar couple. One minute we’re happy, the next we’re screaming at each other. I know no relationship is perfect but come on…. And as of a week ago, I haven’t spent the night. He’s been sick with a cold and he has a twin size bed, and looking at my body, we both don’t fit. But the texts and the calls from each other have become minimal, even my visits. Before he’d fight with me cause I couldn’t sleep over, now it’s like 10:30 hits and I’m walking home alone. I feel like he has someone else, but this is just my insecure self. This is why I hate my past relationships. They have fucked me up so bad that I really can’t trust anyone, as much as I want to, I just can’t… I just don’t know what to do. For the first 3 weeks, man, the smile on my face everyone envied. People were actually envious of me for the first time, and I loved it, because no one has what I have, and that’s true love. I know he loves me, I know he does…. But I just feel like someone else is there and it kills me, because if I tell him then it’ll be a huge fight, and I don’t want to fight anymore. *sigh* guess I feel a little bit better…. But now my heart just hurts…